The Fallen Tree

The Fallen Tree (20th February 2022)

When I was out walking recently I came across a fallen tree. Actually, there were a few given the recent storms that we’ve had. This one particular tree made me pause and question what I do when something takes me off course, literally uprooting me from my current goal.

Now this tree had been uprooted, its previous purpose changed, was that the end of it? Not necessarily.

Next to the tree were some other trees and branches that had been chopped into smaller lengths, potentially to be used as firewood or possibly something else more fun or purposeful. Even as firewood, it produces energy and warmth, a comforting and possibly essential source. As a piece of art, it could bring beauty or happiness to the maker, grifter and receiver. I guess I’ll never know what it becomes but it’s irrelevant.

So when you are fallen, uprooted or blown off course by an external force, do you let that stop you entirely? It may be that you’re intended to have a different purpose. A different meaning for your life and being. To serve others or yourself in a different way. 

What beauty and value can you bring to the world in a different form?

Chop your values, beliefs and identity down into more manageable chunks and think about what direction you’d like to take. It’s the start of a new adventure. Where will it take you?

a fallen tree

I broke (14th February 2021)

Last week I broke. I temporarily broke.

Ever had those moments where everything is against you? Or you thought it was, well that was my day...

I had a cardiology hospital appointment for Ava to check whether her leaking valve had changed and if we had a better idea of when she would need surgery. Fortunately, it was similar to August, it wasn’t any worse but we’re still none the wiser as to when surgery might be needed. In a way that’s great news but for someone who likes to plan, the unknown is hard. 

To add to that it was snowing. The one time I have to leave the house during a pandemic and it’s bloody snowing! I had a car accident in 2014, I aquaplaned on the M74 on my way to work and hit the central reservation. I wrote the car off and damaged my shoulder so I was unable to move it and still to this day it causes me pain. I’m also still dealing with the psychological after-effects. PTSD. I still have minor panic attacks if I have to drive in heavy rain or snow if I know the road is wet or slippy. But you know what? I didn’t let it stop me from taking Ava to her appointment.

I thought I was ok, I got on with the work I had to do once I returned home. I know that I’m always tired after driving in those conditions but I felt ok. I guess there was the added issue of having left the house for the first time in forever to go to a building with other people. That clearly took its toll too. 

I carried on with my zoom calls and work and later that afternoon I heard a thud. Oscar had dropped his laptop. The laptop that he has depended on for his school work. Dropped. The screen was damaged and rendered unusable. That’s the point when I first cried a tear. I wiped it away as I jumped on another zoom. I’d deal with that issue later. 

We found a temporary solution and set up an old iPad with apps, etc that he’ll need and got him logged onto his school accounts. Not ideal but better than nothing. It was 7pm by this point and I had one final zoom for the day at 7.30pm. I got set up for that while finishing sorting his iPad out. I connected to the meeting, and it froze. I restarted my Mac and connected again, but it froze. Third time lucky? I managed a bit longer but yet again it froze. Turns out my Mac had a small update and that was enough for zoom not to be my friend. At that point I cried, I cried that horrible snotty ugly cry. 

It felt stupid, that I was crying over a stupid piece of software not working but it was more than that, it was an accumulation throughout the day that triggered it but being kind to myself, I acknowledged we’re all in difficult positions right now. I can cry if I need to, but it’s done. We’re all just trying to do our best. Today will be a better day for me. 

Thank god it's half-term this week!

So, how have your last few weeks been?